Perfectionism is all about those negative thoughts we have built up in our minds that make us think we have to keep on doing things perfectly in order to reach the goals we set for ourselves. but, these “goals” we have are not healthy because we never stop to see reality and let our guard down. This leave no room for growth, learning and inner peace.
To reduce perfectionism means to look at your unhealthy “beliefs” about yourself and notice in what areas in your life you are being unrealistic. “We are human not robots.”
Examples of unrealistic thinking:
- I have to speak professionally when I talk to people
- I cannot be late for my appointment
- I absolutely must not make any mistakes
- I have to do everything right
Examples of realistic thinking:
- I do not need to meet anyone’s standards of how to speak
- If I am late for my appointment, it is not the end of the world
- I can make mistakes because I am learning
- I do not have to do anything I don’t want to do
As you can see here, realistic thinking is a lot easier to take in. It makes us feel good about ourselves and relaxes our need to please everyone (which by the way is completely impossible).
I have a very hard time with perfectionism because I want to do a very good job in anything I do, which sounds reasonable, but I have set standards for myself that are way too high and I could not possible achieve that height.
I struggle with perfection because i used to think that to be liked, I need to do things in a perfect way to reduce all flaws. However, once I started my healing journey, I began to see that this is not realistic thinking. I would say that it is better to do you best, but not perfectly.
Striving do a perfect job in everything was really setting myself up for failure because when i did not live up to my own person standards, I would be angry with myself and trapped in my own unhealthy thinking.
This kind of living is rooted in past circumstances where we did not live up to someone’s expectations of us, but that really does not matter.
What matters is what we feel and think about ourselves and that we think of ourselves as courageous, loving, humble awesome human beings that we are meant to be. To live each day in every moment cultivating 3 things: Love, joy and peace.
What I am to do now, is looking at my values and beliefs and incorporate them into daily living because my values are about being human and not perfect. I am also working on changing my negative thoughts into more positive ones (which can take time, but so worth it).
- I am not enough: I am always enough to do, be and have anything I want
- I always stress out: I can control my emotions
- People hurt me : I chose to let them hurt me and affect me
- I am not strong enough: I am strong enough to do what I need to
- People are always mad at me: I chose to think people are mad at me, which usually is not true.
- I cannot remember anything: I remember positive things and can retain information easily.
- I am not a good person: I am a good person based on true evidence and facts
- I am too sensitive: I am an empath and deeply feel other’s emotions
And some other positive self-talk:
- I am smart and beautiful
- Everything works out for the higher good
- There is peace and love in my life
- I get along very well with others
The more I do it the easer it gets, because with anything you can change the way your think and train your brain to respond more positively.
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